Nonsensical.

I am feeling irrational and nonsensical.

Today I am writing a major paper for my history class. There have been many times when I have planned my weekends to get homework done, but let's face it...I can't do much on Saturdays. I am convinced that Saturdays were not meant for homework; they were designed to take a break, have fun, and watch movies. I physically have a hard time actually doing homework. Oh man...

This paper that I am writing is a paper comparing and contrasting two early American colonies. First off, I hate comparing and contrasting. It's stupid. (me being irrational) Second, I am having a hard time getting the religious and economic side to run smoothly. I have all these ideas in my head, but cannot get them out in a manner that actually makes sense. Like, did you know that one of the main reasons the Great Awakening was so powerful, was that George Whitefield was able to advertise and cheaply produce his written works so that people showed up for his sermons? And he didn't do too well in the south because, well they were Anglican, and most of the people did not read or write and were too spread apart to have thousands come together to listen to him. Fascinating. Anyways, I will quit boring you with all this talk of the economy in the 1700s.

These next two weeks are going to be hectic and it is times like this that I wish that I could quit school and do something fascinating with my life. Oh well, it is snowing and I would quickly go for a night by a fireplace while reading instead of this. In two weeks I can! Oh happiness.

Lord, help me.

Well, since it has been more than two weeks since I last wrote, I decided it was time to finally write. I am sick...and I have no motivation...so that is making it very hard to get anything done. And, with one and a half weeks left of classes, I have no time to not have motivation.

Two weekends ago I went down to the little quiet town of Preston, where Dwight and Amy live. While at their house a couple of weeks earlier for Tate's birthday party, Amy invited me to go on a tour of B&B's, so two weekends ago I drove there and was greeted by the most hospitable little boy yelling out of the back door, "Come in, Gretchen! Would you like something to drink?" Tator Tot is too precious. For real, it takes a lot to be more precious than him. :) I came back for two days of classes before I was able to head home for Thanksgiving, which was sort of stressful as I was trying to write a couple of papers.

Once again, home was lovely. By the time it was time to go, I found myself wishing that I could just stay home until Christmas break. Now, I am stressing over how I am going to get a couple of big papers done by next Monday. Yikes...It's not hard for me to write when I actually know what I will be writing about. I actually love to write, but it is so hard to come up with topics. So, right now, I'm lost. With being sick and all, I just wish I could crawl up into my bed and sleep or watch movies until it is time to go home. Not sure if I will make it these next couple of years. Until spring of senior year, I will be taking 18 credits plus I will have two jobs. I wish I could be done now, how wonderful that would be.

On a different note, I want to make these. Mama, get ready, because we will be doing this when I get home for Christmas break!

Cheer up, Love.

My history professor has a way of making me believe in myself like never before. I waltzed into her office to talk to her about changing my history minor into a major after she mentioned to me that I should think about making the switch a few weeks ago. She was looking over my four year plan and exclaimed in joy when she noticed that I was taking a class from her in the spring. Little did she know that I planned on taking another class after that the next fall from her as well. Luckily, she was excited for that one too. I laughed at her and asked her if she might not get sick of me by then in a joking manner, and to that she responded so sincerely, "No, not at all. I love having you in my classes. You are such a work horse; I can't believe how you pour yourself into the work." That made me feel so exceptional. I think a lot of times I don't think I can keep up with everyone else or that I get caught in this snare of thinking I am not good enough or never could be, but to hear that from her was...truly amazing. This is the same teacher that also asked me to be her T.A. for my last two years of college. I am so excited to work with her and get to know her better because she truly is an amazing teacher. I am thankful for teachers like her. What a blessing.

Lazy Sundays.

I could go for one of those lazy Sundays I used to have when I was still living at home. Ideally, it would be cold, with a fire going, reading some books, or watching Little Women. It's just that sort of day. Ah, that just sounds way too good right now. I think senioritis is kicking in a few years early...

Yesterday, my best friend, Megan, came to the cities to see me. She wanted to do some shopping, so at 11 in the morning we headed to the mall. Pretty soon we abandoned the idea of shopping for jeans, what we had originally gone for, and instead, started looking at all the dishes and home goods in every department store. We were dreaming of what color we would get for a kitchen aide (I chose the pistachio color) and picking out china...sounds lame, but it was so much fun! This will also make me sound lame to every person that thinks you can't start thinking about Christmas until after Thanksgiving, but I was starting to get so excited as I saw the Christmas decorations and the whole bottom floor of Macy's all decorated for Christmas. It was kind of a bummer when I got outside and realized there was no snow. After we left the mall, we drove to the JoAnn's right across the street where I purchased some knitting needles and yarn. That's right, Megan started to teach me how to knit! Admit it, I am the coolest person you know. ; ) We enjoyed a fabulous meal of pasta and cheesy bread along with some coffee flavored ice cream while we watched Grumpy Old Men (the funniest movie right after Tommy Boy) and she began to teach me how to make an infinity scarf. It will be mustard yellow. Already it is so pretty and I can't wait to finish it so that I can wear it! One slight problem...after she left, I realized that it was twisted, so I had to start over and I spent many hours trying to figure out what I had done earlier. No worries though, I have got it under control! Well, better quit dreaming and actually get some homework done!

Distracted.

Right now I am sitting in my living room trying, well not trying to hard, to read an article for history that is due tomorrow morning, but I look outside and all I want to do right now is go for a long walk. When it is cool and gray out, I simply want to go on a walk and feel the cool crispness on my cheeks. One does all their best thinking while on a walk, I think. I would do my homework outside, but I know I would just be too darn distracted and nothing would ever get done. However, sitting in my living room looking out the window while sipping on some pumpkin spice coffee will suffice for now. I long for the day when I will not have assignments on my mind and I can just go out for a long walk. Also, I am looking at pinterest and I would love to start a few sewing projects. First thing, get my own sewing machine that I can take to school! Then I would never get anything done. :) Oh well…

Soon.

So, I decided what I want to do with my life. That’s right, this girl finally figured it out. I am going to have an antique shop/book store/ coffee shop. Yep, all three in one, it’s going to be great! Oh also, I am going to sing in a jazz band. Yep, life is now figured out. :)

Blessed.

Alright, this might be sort of a long one since it has been so long and I have had so much to write about, but I have been simply too busy to do anything I have really wanted to do. I titled this post blessed because I have been realizing how blessed I really am. It has been quite a difficult time since I last posted just with school, work, and my confidence in myself, but despite all that, I am surrounded by people that love me and constantly show me that. Today, as I was working on a writing assignment, I became super overwhelmed with everything I had to accomplish before my morning classes tomorrow. I was feeling anxious like I just needed to get outside and take a walk by myself, but I didn't see how that was possible with everything I needed to do. Out of exasperation, I walked into my roommate's room to talk about how ridiculous it was that my 2000 word response was only worth 10 points and it was stressing me out like crazy that I was sure it had to be worth more. Anyways, I vented to her and before I knew it, I was crying uncontrollably and just venting about everything that had been stressing me out and had been bottled up for a few weeks. My roommate, Emily, is great. She just sat there, when she had homework too, and listened and prayed for me. That helped so much just to know that I had someone there who genuinely cared about me and what I was going through. Yesterday a similar incident, well not so similar, happened. I received a letter in the mail from Brookie that was the best encouraging note I could have ever received. It was exactly what I needed to make it through the rest of my day. Talking to my sister, Virginia, this last weekend also helped just to hear a familiar voice and someone that I really look up to as well. Some verses that have been helping me to get through my struggles are Habukkuk 3:17-18. I have listed that verse earlier on here, but it is one that I am constantly going to and constantly reminding myself of it. It is really a great couple of verses. Another one my roommate shared with me today was Psalm 62:5-9 which is also amazing. And yet another right at the top of my blog, Psalm 30:5b. How blessed we are to be surrounded by people and to be so loved by God that we don't need to find our confidence and love from anyone or anything but Him.

So, on another note. I got to go home two weekends ago and it was so relaxing and wonderful to be there. I hardly left my house, but that was really all I needed to get rejuvenated. That is a picture of the home I love so much up at the top. The whole weekend all I did was cleaned (which I love), baked, watched Gilmore Girls late into the night with my mama, went on a picnic with mother dear and my aunt Jeanie, church at the little church in Alsen complete with a potluck, and that pretty much sums it up. Last weekend then, I was at school and I worked the entire weekend, which was sort of nice. I got extra hours and completed a ton of homework for the next two weeks! So that made me feel accomplished. I love when I can have a list of things I need to do and can just quickly go through them checking one thing off after another. I think that is why I love cleaning so much, you can see the results right away and that just makes you want to accomplish more.

I seriously planned on writing more, but I really need to get to bed. One last note, I have slept so much in the last day it is ridiculous. I went to bed last night at like 10:30 to read and fell asleep by 11 when I don't need to be up until 8:00ish. Then all day I was practically falling asleep in every class...so I came back after lunch at 2:30 and slept until 4:15! To which then I woke up and was stressing about my history homework because I hadn't planned on sleeping that long and had completely slept through my alarm. I guess I needed it! Anyways, I really need to get to bed. I hope that you all have a blessed day and that you see God's goodness through every little thing, the storms and the joys. Good night.